Inside: AI’s sad dad joke, suspicious cookware, sneaky chemicals, and why your feet are working harder than your air purifier.

“So sorry babe, we just can’t have sex tonight; my stomach is killing me,” my wife said to me after she had put our daughter down.

“Damnitt, again?” I said, half sympathizing, half complaining. This was not uncommon in the earlier stages of our relationship.

‘Yes, I know and I’m sorry - but look at how distended my belly is.”

She wasn’t faking it; her normally trim waist looked bloated and swollen. 

“It really hurts”

My wife had been dealing with digestive issues for years before we’d met. Even if she ate supremely ‘clean’ food, she’d often experience debilitating stomach pain. Sometimes she’d have to lie down with a heating pad on her belly, the simplest movement sending bolts of pain into her midsection .

It was literally cramping her life (and our sex, damnitt!)

Visiting specialist after specialist, none offered much help. She was often met with similar remedies for constipation:

Drink water…exercise…drink coffee. Prune-a-lax for moderate constipation issues... Suppositories if it became chronic.

These rarely helped, and suppositories are even considered dangerous if used long term.

This went on for years until 2020 when I became immersed in the world of functional medicine and started to go down the rabbit hole of natural remedies for my wife’s motility issues…

“Jos, did you know the core of a pineapple holds some of the most powerful digestive enzymes currently available?”

‘“Really?” She said, part skeptical, part curious.

“Yes. It says here we should blend it up with regular or carbonated water, and consume 1-2 ounces of the mixture before meals…want to try it?”

“At this point I’m willing to try anything!”

We had a pineapple handy, and figured out by now that broccoli had been one of the biggest culprits to her stomach pain (any cruciferous vegetables, really), and we already had it in the fridge, so we decided to make that the test food. We made the pineapple core and water mixture, then steamed up a broccoli crown on the stovetop. No other variables in the mix. 

I put the pineapple core shot and a piece of broccoli before her.

“Ready?” I asked.

“Here goes nothing.” She downed the shot. waited a couple of minutes, then ate the broccoli. A few minutes later I checked in:

“How are you feeling?”

“So far nothing…” she said, cautiously optimistic. Typically broccoli would have her writhing almost immediately. 

“Let’s give it a bit longer.” 

Another ten minutes passed; by this point the broccoli’s painful effects would have certainly taken hold.

“And now?” I said.

“No pain! I can’t believe it!” She was as astonished as I was.

“Maybe we can crack the code of my stomach after all.”

“Sex tonight then?”

“Don’t push it, pal.” She punched me in the arm. Mystery solved!

💩 What Your Poop Can Mean 💩

Yep, we’re going there. Because your poop? It’s kind of a health report card.
The goal: smooth, sausage-shaped, easy to pass, no drama.

🧻 Want better stool quality?

• Eat more fiber: Think fruits, veggies, beans, and whole grains. Work your way up to 35 grams/day for men, 25 grams/day for women.
  

• Hydrate like a plant: Water keeps things moving. Consume a glass upon waking (before that coffee) and keep a water bottle close by, filling regularly.
  

• Move: Walking and light exercises/stretches promote peristalsis, or the gentle movement of food along our digestive tract.
  

• Watch for patterns: A few weeks of persistent loose, hard, or erratic poops may signal food intolerances, gut imbalances, or even autoimmune issues. Take heed.

👶 For parents: Print out the Bristol Stool Chart below.
Teach your kids to check their poop and talk about it—yes, really. “What kind of poop did you have today?” is a weirdly powerful wellness check-in. Besides, kids talk about it all the time.

More boxes to tick…

• BMs will benefit from fermented, probiotic rich foods, such as kim chi, yogurt and kefir. 

• Try to decrease stress, which can be a factor in BMs types 1, 2, 6 and 7. 

• Get into the optimal pooping position for easy stool passage - keep your knees above your hips by placing your feet on a footstool or ‘Squatty Potty.’

Try not to strain. Instead breathe downwards with your diaphragm. 

🍍 Pineapple Core Digestive Shot

This tiny tweak changed everything for Jos and me. It’s a natural way to support digestion—especially if certain foods usually leave you feeling bloated, crampy, or just… off.

🧪 What You Need:

• 1 fresh pineapple (save the core!)
  

• 2 cups of water or sparkling water
  

• Optional: squeeze of lemon or pinch of sea salt for flavor
  

🌀 What to Do:

1. Cut the core out of the pineapple (the firmer, center part).
   

2. Chop the core into small chunks.
   

3. Blend the core chunks with 2 cups of water (flat or sparkling).
   

4. Store in a glass jar in the fridge.
   

✅ How to Use It:

• Drink 1–2 ounces 15–30 minutes before a meal, especially one you know gives you trouble.
  

• Start small. See how your body responds.
  

This isn’t a magic bullet—but for my wife, it’s been a total game-changer. And honestly? Way easier than giving up all your favorite foods forever.

Why Some Ultra-Processed Foods Go Down Too Easy

Let me paint you a picture.

You unwrap that Big Mac. You blink. It's gone.

Sound familiar?

A recent study presented at the American Society for Nutrition conference just explained why. Turns out, it’s not just the flavor that hooks us - it’s the texture. Softer, ultra-processed foods that melt in your mouth go down fast. And when food is easy to eat, we eat more of it.

In the study, folks who ate the softer versions of meals - think white bread, creamy spreads, smoothies - consumed 369 more calories per day than the ones eating the firmer, crunchier, harder to chew versions like apples and celery. Same portion sizes. Just different textures.

Here’s the kicker. The people eating the more solid foods reported feeling just as full. And they actually lost body fat. Almost a pound in two weeks.

Let that sink in.

The lesson? When food requires more chewing, your brain has time to catch up. You eat slower. You feel full sooner. And you’re less likely to polish off an entire sleeve of cookies before your kid even finishes their juice box.

Now, texture isn’t the only issue with ultra-processed food. There are other concerns - blood sugar spikes, gut health, inflammation. But this is one simple shift with a big payoff.

Thinking about that Big Mac? Try a grilled chicken sandwich on whole grain instead with a generous helping of celery on the side. More crunch. Less crash. 

😛Remember, chewing well is crucial. It strengthens our mandibles. Chewing hard food > better digestion > our jaws get stronger, leading to a wider mouth ‘floor’ > you’ll keep your tongue flat (the proper position) > you’ll find you snore less > sleep better > improve your quality of life - not to mention better BMs!